Facing the Mountains we pause for rest.

 

As worn out as I felt when I finally woke up today I am glad to say it was not enough to make me want to quit.

I feel strangely refreshed and renewed.

Yes I am drained in every sense of the word but when you finally start to clean up the messes in your mind, you just don’t want to stop.

Climbing one hill cannot stop me from heading to the mountains in the distance.

Not even for a second.

The dramas from the past week were hard on me and I know that they still have to be dealt with.

But I do not regret a bit of my suffering for them.

Why?

Because they helped me to grow a bond with the girl.

They helped me to love myself that much more.

The reminded me that the love I give should ALWAYS be equal to the love I get.

Taking time for me and putting everyone on hold was one of the best things I could have done for myself.

Silence was the perfect answer.

It helped me to gain clarity and understanding of what was really going on.

Why what I had been doing in the past never worked.

And most importantly, how to over come all the fears I have had in my head.

Very real fears that at one point in my life almost put me under.

But now after I started the sorting process I am stronger than ever in my belief that with hard work comes great rewards.

The surprise lesson in all this is how much deeper I have learned to love those around me that do care and what it feels like to be loved back.

Their boxes will turn into beautiful trunks at some point.

A simple squeeze on the shoulders from the girl reminded me how my Dad tickling the back of my neck as he passed by was all the “I love you” I ever needed.

The man never said those three words to me.

Not once.

But I know that he loved me more than the moon and stars.

He proved it by fighting for his life though his illness….

Just so he could watch both my children grow.

He could have given up many times and he deserved it for all his pain.

But for the love he had for us, to fight or not was not even a question.

His final show of affection was a gift of his last breath…

I only hope my death can be so noble when the time comes.

I loved my Dad very much and was proud to say that he was my Dad.

But now with my new views of love, I realize just how blessed I really was to have a Dad like him.

 

This journey has shown me not only how to show real love to people but to accept nothing but.

I wonder. If I have already learned so much from the first step, imagine what I will gain from the rest?

I guess with time I will find out.

But not today.

Today is a day for rest and reflection.

Today, I am spending my day counting my blessings and taking a break from the massive job left in the attic.

For now, in my dreams I rest peacefully on that comfortable chair in the dark corner.

My mind is at ease knowing the girl is there watching over me till I am ready to continue with the sorting.

I thought my journey had begun many months ago but I now realize that is not the case.

When I placed that picture on the wall and realized that the girl and me should work as a team and not divided…

That is when the real journey started.

Dear readers, this is only the beginning.

The worst is yet to come.

Many roads and mountains are a head of me.

But along the way we will see beauty and proof that with love, all things are possible.

And it all starts with love from inside yourself first.

That is what powered the first steps of this great journey.

I hope you stick around for it and like so many who have already paid me kind words of hope and encouragement, I hope that you too will find what ever it is that makes you happy.

But most of all, I hope you find the love hidden within you for yourself.

Even if you have to climb many mountains to find it.