Slowly going mad while the world around me does the same…

 

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Last night I had another bad dream so today I have decided to take a walk in a local park to ease my mind.

I take a seat on an empty park bench and rest my body.

The breeze is welcoming to me today as I sit back quietly and try to pay mind to the world surrounding me.

As I feel it gently brush across my face I close my eyes and take a deep breath of it in.

I allow it to linger in my lungs a moment before its bittersweet release.

Exhaling, I open my eyes again and relax my body.

I have so much torment in my heart right now that moments like this one are a welcome break from my mind.

As I sit and try to let go of my troubles and worries I cant help but fear the struggles within reflect on my face.

Wanting to blend in to my surroundings I work hard at stepping out of my thoughts.

I slowly close up figurative box after figurative box deep within.

After closing the last lid I shut my eyes and look to my senses for guidance.

It is not long before I melt into the world surrounding me and focus in on it.

I can hear the familiar sounds of life all around me.

Crickets and birds in deep conversations about whatever hot topic that sparks their interest are to my right and above.

While to my left I hear the soft giggles of children while their Mom’s try for a moment to have some deep adult conversation.

I watch the two woman for a moment and listen in as one mother conveys to another a tale of a recent trip to the doctor and how she fears her child will need further testing for a serious sudden illness.

With a look of empathy, the other mother purses her lips and scrunches her brow in worry.

Finding herself without words, she simply nods her head and chooses to keep her own thoughts to herself.

All she can seem to whisper is “It will all be ok”.

As she quickly looks away and over to her own child, I can tell she struggles within herself for giving out possible false hope as well as the very real fear that it could have been one of hers.

Unbeknownst to their children that one of their lives is in question, they run around and play without the concern for time or how much of it they have to enjoy the freedom of this summer day.

I am saddened by the idea that any child could be living on borrowed time.

Much like the humbled friend, I say a small prayer that it really will be ok for both Mother and Child.

I fall into a trance doing this before I notice movement and see a woman and a elderly man walking toward me.

The man is struggling to take each step while the woman gently guides him via one arm under his and the other softly placed on the same arm.

As they pass I hear the man give protest to her help saying he should be the one leading her.

She simply smiles and says “At some point we all need an arm to guide us. Even if we have always been the guide.”

When they pass they both pause their train of thought long enough to smile and give me a friendly nod.

I return their friendly gesture with a nod and smile as I find the scenario before me familiar.

It reminds me of how not so long ago I too helped my poor Father to walk around while he protested to his need to care for me first.

…I would give anything to be walking beside him right now if I could.

As if the woman has read my thoughts she glances back to give me another smile.

But this one is different.

Its one of knowing and understanding.

I almost can’t make eye contact when I think of how much pain her heart will go through one day when he is gone…

And how one day she will realize that even when she was leading him, he was still leading her too.

I sit for a long time with the images of both my children and my Father in my mind.

It’s funny how total strangers can remind me that my problems are little compared to what others face.

The two interactions I just had at the park bring a random thought to my mind.

As I sit and suffer, so does the rest of the world in their own way.

Each and every person faces a trial or tribulation at some point within the day and that makes me just a small part of this very big world.

It’s a very equalizing and humbling thought.

I choose to ponder it a bit longer as I sit in silence with the wind still brushing my face.

As I do this and try to find purpose in my path for the day I leave you with this song.

I feel it is very suiting to my mood and the events of my day.

Enjoy dear readers because there are few moments in this world that a sane person can get away with admitting to being mad.

Even in a mad world like the one we all live in today.

 

 

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1 Comment

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One response to “Slowly going mad while the world around me does the same…

  1. TIA

    I enjoyed this so much! It’s so heart felt and true. I love that you sa back and took it all in. What a good idea to be able to minimal use your issues. Great post!

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