Its been a while since I wrote dear readers and I am very tired and sick so I apologize now if this blog is short.
I have to confess the past couple weeks the girl got to me.
But it is by no fault of my own that I chose to keep silence instead of write.
Long story short, I could not write about the trials I faced in my life or mind.
Not for any other reason than I could not understand them myself.
How can I write what I feel when I don’t even know, let alone understand my feelings myself?
And so begins the perfect storm in my head.
I spent countless hours over the past couple weeks trying to understand my life and the people in it only to be more confused and unsure of myself more than ever.
Faced with judgments of others and realizing I had made poor judgments myself I just simply shut down and ran for the attic.
It has been a hard scary time for me and I still don’t know the answers.
Nor do I regret the discussion to run and hide either.
I needed that time to detox.
But what I can tell you is that now I know that no matter who you are or how careful you plan it makes no difference in the end.
Because we all live under fates rule and are helpless to it.
Our plans, feelings and thoughts merly decide how we cope with the gifts and curses it brings us.
Sometimes, even the strongest and wises souls are powerless to its path.
Sometimes all you can do is take a seat and hold on for the ride.
Because ultimately, we have to face our demons and sometimes take the punishments we deserve for our actions.
But fear not my friends becaue I can tell you first hand that not all that is bad ends badly.
Sometimes we have to suffer great pain to reap the ultimate reward at the end.
And only those with a higher level of strength within them can achieve it.
I have spent so much time hanging on to that fairy tale idea in my head and even been ridiculed for it.
But I now can say that I believe it to be a truth and not a myth.
There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I saw proof of it today in its purest form and I can promise you, getting to see it took incredible amounts of strength and faith to get me there.
But I also know that I still have a lot of work to do to.
It has taken me a life time to get to this point and I know I am only just getting started.
Rome was not built in a day and I am very tired.
So tonight I leave you with the following words of wisdom so I can go rest along with the hope that you too believe in the idea that the harder you work the greater the reward.
…Even in the darkest room it only takes a flicker of light to show you the doorway out..