To the man who seeks my heart,
It is in this moment you have decided that you want to take the next step and open your heart up to me.
Know that by doing this I will be doing the same.
When I love you I give every bit of my being to that person.
For this reason, I ask that you do not take lightly to it because once I know what you feel about me I will devote every bit of my being to you.
I will work very hard at making you happy, sometime for going any of my own basic needs to do so.
Because of this sacrifice I will make I ask you to read carefully to the small list of things below before you do it.
If you have any doubts after, PLEASE reconsider…
I am my own worst enemy…
I spend great amounts of time angry at my self for even the most common of mistakes.
When I do something it may come out great but to me I can pin point thousands of reasons why I must improve it.
I will then spend too much time beating myself up over it inside my head and become sad.
When I do this you have two options.
One is to argue with me that I am wrong and that it is just fine. Most likely resulting in me assuming you are just being bias or kind.
Two is to smile and just remind me that I should not be so hard on myself because I look better without the scowl on my fore head.
…I prefer the latter.
A small gift with meaning or from your heart is invaluable to me…
Everything I own has a very deep seeded sentimental value to me.
Every little trinket was gifted to me by someone I hold dear to me.
If you choose to give me anything, make sure its something meaningful.
Even a dried flower that you have held on to since our first date would mean more to me than any expensive bouquet of flowers…
But if you do buy flowers know white roses are my favorite.
I really don’t care what others think about my looks but…
My size, hair, clothes and looks only bother me because sometimes what I see in the mirror is not what you and others see.
To you I am just me.
Sometimes the mirror tells me I am less than worthy.
So do my a favor and don’t over use the words “Beautiful” or “pretty” too often.
Much like the word “Love” they should only be used in the moments that you really feel those things.
That is what makes them special and that is how I will know you mean what you say.
I was brought up in a world where “Personal space” was sacred…
I avoid human contact because I have been taught that it is special to only that one person I give my heart.
It does not happen often but if we are in public and I gently reach over and squeeze your hand and give you a smile…
Know that I am pushing a boundary within myself and know its the ultimate sign of affection from me.
Appreciate it and return the gesture to let me know you feel the same.
I am stubborn. Sometimes to a fault and I don’t think I can change that…
So much so that I will try to do things that are so far out of my limits only because I have been told I can’t or because I am trying hard to make someone I love happy.
In those moments you have two choices…
One to sit back and let me screw up or…
Reach over, place your hand on my arm and remind me that I am important to you.
Tell me that by hurting myself I am hurting you.
If you do, I will stop.
Sometimes I just simply need to be reminded that I too have a value…
I tend to always assume that I am the one who should always be grateful for the things and people in my life.
Take the time to remind me that I am worth as much to you.
Revert back to the dried flower if you are not sure how to do that.
Sometimes I just need to get away…
I have this fear of being trapped in one place.
Why? I don’t really know.
So sometimes I will just grab my keys and say “Wanna go for a ride?”
You don’t have to go but know that I HAVE TO when that happens.
Usually I just drive out to a point and then drive back.
It’s just one of my quarks.
Please be understanding of this.
Sometimes I just need to be alone…
The mood usually strikes me randomly.
I can spend hours of being quiet and just sitting outside listening to the soft wind and thinking.
It does not always mean I am upset with you.
Sometimes, I just need stillness to reflect.
If this happens you are more than welcome to sit beside me.
As a matter of fact, please do because chances are that at some point I will need someone to talk to about what was on my mind.
On the other side of my silence…
If I am being very quiet and will not make eye contact with you something is wrong.
Even if I say it is not.
I know you are not a mind reader and I do not expect you to be.
But know that if I am without words it’s because my heart and head are at battle.
Tread lightly and just give me a hug.
On the other side of that…
Sometimes just a long deep hug is all I need from you.
Just my head on your chest and the sound of your breath is all I need to know everything is ok.
I will remain faithful to you…
No matter what.
It takes a lot of work and time for me to knock down walls to reach that levels of comfort that I hope to have with you.
Doing that is a gift to the one I love.
I ask you give me the same gift back.
If you are not happy then tell me.
I would rather you be honest then to have to put all those walls back up, plus one…
The words “I love you” to me are powerful…
If you find yourself saying them to me in your mind be ABSOLUTLY SURE of it before they leave your lips!
I will never forget that moment and do not want it to become a source of question and pain later on.
Make half the effort all the time…
I told you in the beginning of this post that I will work hard once you give me your heart.
And I will never stop.
Not for a second.
Make sure you work just as hard.
If I have to walk 20 miles to see you, please walk 10 of it.
Otherwise, at some point as I am walking I will wonder why I am the one who always has to go to you.
Relationships take two people walking, not just one.
Otherwise you will find me walking away at some point.
I want the fairly tale but sometimes I like to do the saving too…
Yes I like when someone fights for me but PLEASE! When you are having a hard time, let me fight for you too.
There is no greater sign of affection than someone who saves the one they love.
Plus protecting the one you love is just as cool in heels as it is in work boots.
Once you make this step I am yours forever…
know that once I have given you my heart that I have given you all of me.
That means the good and the bad.
If I have done this it means I trust you and I do not trust many.
Be honored that I have given you that chance and please respect it.
Many man before you have taken my heart and abused it.
I know you are not every man but the moment you mimic any of their behaviors I will be waiting in the back of my mind for you to prove otherwise.
When you don’t, that pain will never go away.
So please take the time to try.
I promise you it will be worth it.
I will be worth it.
Because everything I ask of you I will automatically do in return and then some.